In an astonishing triumph over career-damaging scandal, embattled golfer Tiger Woods won high honors as both the Associated Press “Athlete of the Decade” and Planet Earth’s “Dumbass of the Decade” yesterday – beating out seven-time Tour de France winner and cancer survivor Lance Armstrong for the former and G.W. Bush for the latter.

With his 12 major championships and 56 wins, Woods put together a run of winning that only four men have topped in their entire careers. Despite half the ballots being cast after Hydrant-Gate the night after Thanksgiving, Woods still left a lasting enough impression to win the vote easily.

As the most famous man on the planet with tabloids itching at a chance to peer into his personal life, Tiger was a no-brainer choice for Dumbass of the Decade. Only someone so moronic would cheat on their Swedish model wife in front of the entire planet. GW Bush may have started the next nuclear holocaust, but Tiger just made a straight-up dumb series of decisions cheating with over ten women, including hookers, porn stars, and potential midgets.

In other news, Tiger Woods has won the “Athlete Most Likely to Have and STD No One Knows About” Award.

Our heartfelt congrats from JockJoose, Tiger.

Tags: athlete of the year, cheater the cheetah, dumbass, elin tiger, tiger cheater, tiger woods